i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
