It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
