you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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