SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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