You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
