A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
