bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
