Me too!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
