hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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