I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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