I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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