Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
