The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
