If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
