alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
