Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
