either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
