There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
