shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
