Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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