I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
