Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
