we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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