Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I believe in your delicious
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
