I puked a lego.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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