No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
