Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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