I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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