break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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