ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
