He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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