Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
