Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was like eating out sand paper
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
