How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
