I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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