I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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