if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
