I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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