I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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