You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
