So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
