Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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