Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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