if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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