CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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