....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
