what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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