What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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