i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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