I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize