She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
