Are we in a gay sports bar?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
