i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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