Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize