I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you win again, gameday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
