i just had sex bonerless
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
