Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he thought i was a dude.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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