oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
