ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
