So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
