I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
