So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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