She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
