make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
