I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
